Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
