Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
