New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
