Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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