Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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