I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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