well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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