Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
