You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
