My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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