What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
