Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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