This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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