brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
