Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
