yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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