so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
