There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
