Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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