Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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