Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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