i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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