Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
