In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
