There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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