I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
