The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
