it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Mom said you looked used
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
