I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize