All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
