i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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