found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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