These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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