I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
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We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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