Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Text me some of your sweat
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