I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
