Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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