The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All I want is dick and wine.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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