Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
