What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
