I love black thongs
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
