She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
