I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
