After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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