Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
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Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
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Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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