I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
