Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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