found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
