I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
