Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize