remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
