this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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