apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
