if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
