Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
