We named our party play list daddy issues
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
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He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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