Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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