I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
