Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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