just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
