awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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