my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
